From: OLDNAVYGURLIE05@aol.com 
Date: Tue, 28 Nov 2000 16:03:25 EST 
Subject: hello 
To: bobhurt@bobhurt.com 


Hi, I am a 14 yr old girl from Ohio. 
 
For the past year and a half, my dad tried to fight his cancer, at the NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF HEALTH in Bethesda,Maryland. On June 29,2000, 6 hours before my brother turned 20, my father died. For the whole month of June, I had been in Maryland with my mother, but I will get back to that.
 
Im writing because I would like people out there to hear my story. And if they do have cancer and have kids, i think they should see wat it is like from a Child's point of view. Well here  is my story.
 
My grandpa died of kidney failure on January 27,1999 and that was the day my dad found out that he had to have his kidney removed because there was cancer tumors in it.  He had a very bad cough and my mom kept telling him to go to the doctor but he didnt listen. Then when he went they thought he ha! S asma, but it turned out to be cancer. Any how. So he didn't tell my brother nor I because he didn't want to put anymore stress on us after my grandpa.
 
But one night I couldnt sleep and I went and sat at the edge of my steps and I heard my mom telling my grandma that my dad had cancer. The next day I got on the bus, and cried because I didnt know what to do. Thank god that my 2 best friends rode my bus. After that I found it hard to concentrate in school, because of my problems at home.
 
I couldnt ask my parents what was going on because im not that type of person. So I decided to write a note to my parents. I told them that I had heard her conversation and everything that I had been feeling.
 
As I got ready for school I put it on the counter. When I got home my parents stood there waiting for me, and thats when I knew it was serious. I walked in, and my dad came up and hugged me and for the first time that I can recall he said "I love you", after I cried for a bit, they explained what was going on, that was the first time I ever saw my dad cry.
 
 
Later that year, My dad went to The Cleveland Clinic back and forth everyday. He had his kidney removed and then his doctor told him that it had spread, im not sure how far but his doctor got him into this protocal at nih.  He left in november. I never saw my dad cry that hard. My brother couldnt even handle the pain, and neither could i. My dog even got upset.
 
For the next  8 months. My mom traveled between Ohio and Maryland everyweek. I saw my mom for 2 days a week. And on weekends I had to go down there. My friends supported me day and night, while my grandma stayed with me. Because my brother was at college. My friends even went on lil vactions down there with me. My dad called everyday just to make sure I was ok.
 
Then one day while my mom was here washing clothes. The phone rang, it was the! Hospital, they said that my dad was put into icu but not to pack up and come down there, because everything was ok. But as my mom hung up the phone, she turned to see that our washer had like "exploded" she was so stressed out that she didnt know wat to do. Thank god my grandma had called  rite after that. She came over and cleaned up the mess while my mom packed.
 
When I walked into the door, from my last day of school, my mom said that she was leavin and that she didnt know when she was coming home. So, being a kid in all I can sense when something is up, so I ran upstairs and threw in a whole bunch of clothes. I didnt care if they were the coolest or if they matched I just threw them in. I left with my mom taht day.
 
We were down in maryland for like a week, the doctor told my mom that he needed to speak with her alone, but I can read lips so I saw everything he said. He told her to get her family down here quick! That he didnt think my dad was going to make it.  So my mom called and got my brother to maryland at 3 am.....
 
The next couple days have become a blur to me. I do remember having a family friend there, my family, and my brothers best friend there..  As we all crowded around the lil hospital bed, my dad told us, that he had to go on a ventilator,  now me a teenager, I had no clue wat a ventilator was, but I could tell in his tear filled eyes that it wasnt good. So as my brother explained it to me. My dad asked me if it would be ok?
 
 
I told him that there was still hope, that we could get through anything, as long as we had eachother. So as my dad got wheeled away he said "I LOVE YOU COURT", and that is the last words that I ever heard from him. Those are the same words that he said to me as I came into this world, and now those were his last words before he left this world. He was on a ventilator for a week, my grandma stayed in the room with him day and nite, while I went around and tried to pretend like nothing was happening.
 
I met lots of new friends there that week, that to this day have kept me alive. But it was that thursday June 29,2000 that really hurt, we had a meeting with the doctors the day before but my mom I guess, I didnt attend that meeting, said that she wanted to keep fighting she believed in him. But when we attended that meeting on thursday. They told us that there was no hope.
 
My brother punched a desk and almost broke his hand. I yelled at the doctors tellin them that I hated them for killing my daddy, and ran out to go find my new best friend henri. I didnt care wat my family was doing I couldnt handle it.  Well when they found me they told me that I  could go say good bye now or never get to say any thing.
 
So as I walked into that room, and looking at my daddy whom I have looked out in so many di! Fferent ways before but never this way, he had tubes everywhere and it was so gross. I held his hand and told him how he was the best thing that ever happened to me. Wat a great dad he was and how much I loved him. And I told him all the funny moments but also the sad. And instead of my last words being "I LOVE YOU", they were "I CANT DO THIS".
 
I ran outside, and rite into henri who was at his sisters bed side. He told me how much he cared for me. And that it is ok to cry but that my dad was going to a better place, and no matter what he would be watching me.  And that nite my dad died. As we were leaving the hospital, I had the pleasure of seeing my 50 year-old daddy in the body bag, as he was getting wheeled out, to this day I still have flashbacks of that.
 
I guess what im trying to tell everyone out there, is that help your children, make sure they are ok, because I know that I will never be normal. Your children are sittin out there saying no one understands what I am going through. But someone does. I do. And there are alot more children in this world that are willing to help.  And tell your children everything. Because it hurts more not to know then to know.
 
There is lots of help out there and now a days I wish I would have tried it. I am 14 and I just had my first birthday without my dad. I have gone back to the hospital to give a picture that we had hung up for the relay for life. I still talk to all my friends that I met. But a 12 year old girl died and my 16 year old friend died down there. And I can think of 8 other people that I met and now have passed on.  But you can't change that. It is something that you must simply accept.
 
I hope my story has helped someone out there. If you do have cancer and have kids that are in need of someone to talk to, they can always contact me OLDNAVYGURLIE05@hotmail.com
 

-:-~`*Courtney*`~-:-